SPEED BLOG!!

>still dating guy from first date although...he is a little older and had a long day at work today and boy was he grouchy on the phone. "so and so" wants me to do something with him; "so and so" wants me to do something with him, "now it ain't you" but everybody wants me to do something....hmmm..sure made me feel like it was me as well as everyone else.

>then he says his daughter (she's 19) got upset cuz she likes to eat w/ him on his birthday, just her and him and this year he is eating with me and they are eating Saturday night. i said change it but he said no, i'm eating with you on on my birthday. great, haven't met the daughter but i bet i'm high on her list. NOT. i told him he could back out on Sunday if he wants too but he said no. good thing cuz had he said okay, i was not going out w/ him again.

>my boss at work is teasing me cuz one of his friends (a mighty cute one, i might add) always flirts with me on the phone when he calls my boss. trust me, the age difference is too much (i am let's just say a "little" older) but he is a cute guy. always nice when a young, cute guy thinks you're a babe.

time files....

Time just flies when you are having fun. I had the best time yesterday. It was a first date and I wasn't nervous but I was wondering what the day would be like. We went to eat, then rode around and talked (one of my two favorite things to do), got a movie and brought it home and watched it.

It was "The Bee" w/ Jerry Seinfeld and others and is the cutest movie. I already had at home "Over the Hedge" which is so so funny and so we watched it next.

I am glad it went well andwe had a good time. I hope we can do something again!

I LOVE SATURDAYS!

I love Saturdays! Out in the country you wake up to hearing the birds singing and the neighbors cows and horses. It's awesome! When I was married, my (now ex) husband, every Friday night, wanted a list of what I planned to do on Saturday. He never got it - it was simply a control mechanism on his part.

Saturdays, even when growing up, was the one day I could do anything I wanted. Mon - Fri I went to school, came home and did homework and my chores. But Saturday Mother always let us sleep late and goof off. It's one of my favorite childhood memories.

So now - I treat myself. Sure, I end up doing laundry and cleaning and doing the dishes but I guess it's just having the freedom to NOT do it that makes me so happy. Nobody yelling at me cuz I'm not working every single minute of my off day - awesome! I wake up and just listen for a few minutes to the birds. I say a prayer of thanks for the blessings God has given me. Despite the family illnesses, we are still all blessed. Each of us in our own way.

I talked to my brother-in-law the other night and he said, "I don't want to die." I said, "I know. But what I want you think about is if you do have your homecoming, you are going to meet Moses, Elijah, Adam, not to mention our Creator and the one who gave His all so we might live." I said,"think about how awesome that will be to sit at the feet of Peter and Paul." I told him I wasn't saying "give up" but trying to say that if our God counts the number of hairs on our head and knows when a sparrow falls from the sky, then we must trust He knows what's going on now and somehow get through it.

It's been a tough week - for sure. My friend Susie's fiancee killed himself this week. They were high school sweethearts and at the ripe young age of 54, had just found each other again. But apparently Buddy had some deep emotional insecurities and a darkness that not even Susie could reach.

It's been a tough week. My prayer is that we ALL have a better week this coming up week!

I need an angel to come whisper in my ear and tell me everything will be okay. Yesterday, we found my sister's husband also has lung cancer. My sister has stage iii but so far it hasn't metastised to any other place. Her husband, my brother-in-law, has stage iv lung cancer. He has two spots in his right lung, a mass on his spine, it's in his descending aorta, his sternum, his spleen and his stomach. You'd never know it to look at him. He looks healthy and strong.

Wow, I am in such shock. I feel drained and depressed and just want to crawl into my bed, put the blanket over my head and sleep...but I can't. Life goes on, so I have to go work every day, help my 14 year old son work through all of this (these are the aunt and uncle he is closest to) and help one of my nephews who is in a verbally abusive/emotionally depleted, co-dependent marriage and can't find the energy or strength to leave and now BOTH his parents have a terminal illness.

You blink and your life changes, for sure.

That is what my body keeps asking me! What are you feeding me? I finally decided to get busy and lose the last few pounds I need to lose. "Why?" you may be asking me (mentally, of course cuz if you're asking me out loud, I can't hear you). Hmmm....

Let's start with those nagging weight loss commercials that are driving me nuts. What's up with, "I went from a size 14 to a size 2. I'm no longer fat!" HELLO! I AM a size 14, thank you.

Of course, the doctor saying, "do you want to get busy and finish your weight loss?" prompted me as well. I have to have hernia repair surgery this summer and if I get the rest of my weight off, he's gonna do a tummy tuck while he's repairing the hernia. I know they say to give yourself rewards for losing weight so I'm all for this. (Of course, my idea of a reward is more like vanilla ice cream being licked off my toes by George Clooney, Oh, sorry; ignore that last part. Once I typed the words "vanilla ice cream" I lost all common sense...sigh). You'd think IF the doc would just go ahead and do the tummy tuck, I might not need the weight loss but then he babbles on about blood pressure, cholesterol...(yawn) but I tuned in when the mean ole man said, "no weight loss, no free tummy tuck." Hmm, and men say WE are difficult!

So..off I go. and so far I've lost 5 pounds. But still, when I look down at my dinner plate, I sure do relate to what Cookie Monster is saying....